Rosemary Apple Pie

Sun, 5 Dec 2010 12:15:39 -0400

I’m on a plane halfway to San Francisco so it seems like an ideal time to write another blog entry.

Today’s the day I share a secret for the best apple pie you’ve ever tasted. The ingredients are crazy simple: the filling is apples, honey and butter, the glaze is sugar and water and the crust is flour, butter, eggs and fresh rosemary.

It’s simple to make, it’s inexpensive and it looks like a million bucks when you’re done. Here we go!

What you’ll need:
portion of short crust. See this page for details
1 tbsp of fresh chopped rosemary.
6 - 8 baking apples (I like Ronny Cox for this recipe because they’re local to Nova Scotia)
1/2 a cup of honey
1/2 cup of confectioner’s or icing sugar
40 mL of water

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Celsius.

Step 2: Assemble the crust according to the details of this page. Add the rosemary to the flour before you add the other ingredients.

Step 3: Grease a 9” torte pan. I find corn oil works better then butter, Roll the dough out to a thickness of about 1/8”. Form the dough into the greased pan. Take extra care to push the dough into the corners of the torte pan and ensure that the edges of the crust are about 1/8” above the top of the pan. Remember, the less you roll the dough, the more tender your crust will be. Pinch the edged of the crust between the index finger of one hand, and thumb and index finger of the other. It should look like the photo when you’re done. Pop the crust into the fridge and let it rest. This will help the gluten strands in the crust break down and will ensure a more tender crust.

Peel and slice 6 of the apples and add them a small saucepan. add the honey, butter and a small splash of water. Cover the saucepan and cook on medium heat for about 10 minutes or until the slices are soft. Whisk them them into a compote and leave in the refrigerator to cool.

Peel and slice the last 2 apples. Make sure the slices are about 1/16” thick. Trust me on this one, the thinner the better.

Once the compote is cool, take it and the crust out of the refrigerator and fill the crust. Beginning with the outside ring, arrange the slices in a clockwise circle of overlapping slices. Arrange the inner circle in a counterclockwise fashion.

Bake the pie for 25 - 30 minutes until the crust is golden brown and the tips of the apples are slightly caramelized. While the pie is cooking, add the sugar and 40mL of water to a saucepan. Heat on medium for 20 minutes until the sugar and water forms a glaze. Brush the glaze over the apples and allow to cool.

That’s it, voila! With a bit of practice you can knock one of these out in no time flat.

Rolling in Dough

Mon, 15 Nov 2010 21:23:34 -0400

So here we are, beginning at the beginning. I’m back in Nova Scotia, and I’ve been back for a good year now. I spent that year re-starting my regular career as an IT Project manager and exploring the city.

Know what I discovered? Halifax is FABULOUS! Really! Halifax has the most polite people in all of Canada, and that’s saying something. I think it’s the last city in Canada that’s affordable. The weather is mile, thanks to global warming (SCREW YOU AL GORE!) and best of all, Nova Scotia is a cooks dream!

I’ve spent 15 years travelling across Canada and cooking in various cities. If buying from local producers you know personally matters to you, Nova Scotia’s the place for you. I’ve been to a lot of farmer’s markets and in my opinion, Halifax’s is the best. It’s the oldest farmer’s market in North America. Charles Dickens once visited it, which is pretty damn cool if you ask me.

Anyway, on to the cooking lesson, which is why loads of you “liked” my page on Facebook. Today we’re covering short crust pastry.

Short crust pastry is an important tool in the arsenal of a cook. You could buy one at the store, but frankly most of those are gross and can’t compare to a home made crust. Instead of the crust being the weak point of your dish, you can make it the best part of the pie!

Savory pastry can be used for quiche, while sweet can be used for pie crusts or turnovers. More importantly, learning how to make short crust helps teach the basics of pastry.

Here are some important things to remember:

Pastry is all about the ratio of ingredients. With short crust the ratios are between flour, fats (butter, lard or margarine), egg, salt and water. I’ve done a lot of experimenting and tired a lot of recipes and I’ve discovered the ideal ratio is:

4 parts flour
2 part fat
1 part egg (this part’s not perfect)
1 part water (this depends on how wet or dry the dough is once the fat and egg are worked in).

Generally, you only need a pinch of salt for savory and a pinch of sugar for sweet crust. It’s best to measure these ratios by weight rather then by volume (cups, teaspoons etc), because ratio by weight is more accurate. With practice you can become proficient in eyeballing ingredients and accurately guessing their weight.

That’s all you really have to know! you can adjust almost any recipe to fit the pie or torte shell you need.

The next thing you need to remember is the more you work a dough, the tougher it gets. This is because as you kneed dough, the gluten in the flour forms long chains of proteins. If you’re making pasta you have to work the dough like there’s no tomorrow but for short crust, less is more. Once you have the dough formed into the pan, you should put it in the fridge to rest. The longer it rests, the more the gluten chains break down, and the better your crust will be.

So with that in mind, here’s the best recipe I’ve ever seen. It’s based on the recipe in Michel Roux’ Pastry cookbook. I worship Michel Roux, his cookbook are awesome! If you’re logging in from Facebook, you can click here to access the recipe from www.thelaughingchef.ca, where there are photos of the different stages.

Short Crust Pastry

250 g all purpose flour
125 g butter, chilled but slightly softened and cut into small cubes
1 egg
40 - 50 g water
3 g salt
5 g sugar (if you’re making sweet crust

Dump the flour on the cupboard and form a well with your fingers.

Add the butter cubes into the well, then break the egg and pour over the butter (eeeuuuuuu, right? it gets even better!)

Work the egg into the butter with your fingers. When the whole mess is wicked gooey, incorporate the flour, adding water as necessary.

Once the dough is just incorporated kneed it by pushing it away with your palm 4 or five times.

Once the dough is ready, roll it out on a lightly floured surface until it’s about 1/8” thick. Gently roll the dough around the rolling pin. Position the pin over the pie place, and gently unroll the dough into the pan.

Gently push the dough into the corners of the pan, then trim the edges. Make sure there’s about 1/4” of dough above the rim of the pan.

Gently pinch the dough between the index finger of one hand and the thumb and index finger of the other. Work your way around the outside until you’ve completed the circle.

That’s it, you’re done! Pop that sucker in the fridge for 20 minutes or so and it’s ready to go.

Chapter 3

Sun, 14 Nov 2010 20:13:33 -0400

Life’s full of new beginnings, and I think it’s time to begin a new chapter in my blog, to reflect my ongoing culinary journey.

Chapter 1 of the blog started in culinary school. Chapter 2 covered my adventures as a chef. Chapter 3 is going to be all about life and cooking in Halifax: Where to find the best ingredients, how to make traditional Nova Scotian dishes in new and innovative ways.

Chef Johannes at PICA used to stress the craft of cooking. He watched The Food Network like the rest of us. but he used to stress those shows were entertainments. I remember him saying in his Austrian accent “What is important is the craft of cooking!”

Imagine that sentence said by a guy who looked like a cross between God and Santa Claus in a voice with the same accent but octave lower then Arnold Schwartzenegger’s, and you can imagine how the information sinks in.

Chef Johannes is right, though. If you can master the basic skills, then you have the framework to express your creativity.

I’m going to cover the basics in the blog. Nova Scotia’s a wonderful place and an important part of life here is food. We are blessed with fabulous meats, produce and veggies.With a few very simple tricks and techniques you can take the local bounty and turn it into something really memorable.

First up: Short crust.

Stay tuned!

The End.

Fri, 29 May 2009 09:06:24 -0300

Yes, my friends. this is the end. I did what I set out to do, and now I am out to do something new. I’ll be starting up a new blog. I somehow thought this picture was the best way to leave things, since Chef Julian perfectly captured how culinary school changed me.

What? You came in at the end and missed it all? You want to know how it all turned out? Gotta go back to where it all began.

See you in the next blog!

.... and they all lived happily ever after.

Fri, 29 May 2009 03:51:15 -0300

Wow. I hardly know what to write, but this is one of those days you really want to document.

So much has happened in the last few days, it’s like every choice I made for the last ten months came echoing back from when I made them.

Last weekend I went to a job interview. Lately I have been putting as many irons in the fire as possible and I saw a posting on the job board at school.

I went to the interview and was pleasantly surprised. I really enjoyed the interview and was so excited by the opportunity, I invited Lisa, the interviewer, to dinner.

The job is chef at Escott Fishing Lodge, The chef cooks for about 25 people. You cook what the guests catch, which means seafood... a LOT of seafood! The dinner was a success, and I waited nervously for a couple of days.

Yesterday I got the call.. and I got the job! I leave in days.

It was all so strange.... during the interview we talked about food and wine, and sure enough.... I had the right stuff. We talked about the importance of a well run kitchen... and sure enough, I had taken Tim Ellison’s management course, which gave me all the information I need.

And the clincher was this:
Someone sat next to the lodge’s owner on an airplane, recognized the fantastic card my cool friend Linda designed and said “Hey, I know that guy.”

It was eight months ago that we sat down and knocked out the card. Linda convinced me of the importance of a top quality card, and though nervous about the money I agreed. Sure enough, someone was able to easily recognize it and that connection helped seal the deal.

I feel like all the hard choices I made all along lined up perfectly to put me in a place where I can go on this adventure.

I will have to leave school early to take the job, but school has graciously agreed to allow me to return and finish. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I attended a lot of schools for a lot of reasons but PICA is by far the best I’ve ever attended. In less then six months they turned a talented amateur into a capable pro, capable of finding and landing a great job in the industry.

Tomorrow will be my last day of class, and I’ll miss almost everyone. I’ll really miss hanging out with my friend Trevor, who transformed himself from a pharmacist to a great cook (and into my close friend). I’ll miss my pal Vic, who transformed himself from a front of the house kind of guy to a great pastry cook (he just popped out a great chocolate souffle). I’ll miss competing with my friend Aurieanne for Raoul, the Pool Boy (we had a running gag), and I’ll miss Carly’s singing... a little. :)

I’ll miss Oliver’s beatboxing, and Anthony, when he was on an upswing. I’ll miss Patrick, who was pretty good at kidding his classmates. I’ll miss Sidney’s giggle and Jeff. I’ll miss Jasmine’s bright smile, and the way I could get Brenda to laugh at almost anything. I’ll miss how pretty Frances looks in her chef’s clothes when her hair is down. I’ll miss Josh’s ability to ALWAYS get a bitchy word in edgewise.

I will miss learning from Chef Patrice, Chef Johannes and Tim. I’ll miss hearing Chef Julians’ voice as he goes tearing down the hall on the way to some crazy thing. I hope I will do well, because I’ve been taught well and I want my instructors to be proud of me.

The tale of the IT geek who transformed himself into a food services entrepreneur has ended.

The Tale of the Laughing Chef begins.

The story so far...

Wed, 20 May 2009 06:28:31 -0300

So it looks like we may just end up on TV. Who are “we”? Well here’s the note I sent to the producer:

Mike is 37 and a former IT project manager. After a very bad June (dumped, evicted and fired!) he decided to change his life and pursue his passion, food. He started a company (The Laughing Chef, www.thelaughingchef.ca).

Trevor is a 43 year old former pharmicist who had very little culinary experience.

We met at PICA (Pacific Institute of Culinary Arts) and became close friends.

The school's head chef, Julian Bond, knew about Mike's desire to run his own business. He and Tim Ellison, the school's wine and etiquette learned the concession at the Emily Carr School of Art, was going to become available. Tim put in a good word with the school.

We want to take over the concession. It's on Granville Island. There's a lot of foot traffic. Best of all with the Olympics coming and all schools closed duing that time, there's an opportunity to go flat out for a month, as the projections are that the restaurant industry alone will see $575 million in revenue at that time.

The space has fantastic potential and we could make dramatic changes to the decor and menu for a very reasonable budget. We think the space could turn into a destination restaurant, as there is a large art gallery filled with tomorrow's gifted artists right next door. We think there's a good opportunity to run a modest catering operation from the same kitchen, greatly increasing our odds of success.

Our banker says through a special loan program, if we can come up with 70% of the amount needed, they can lend the other 30%. We think we can get the school to pay for lease hold improvements. We would need to redecorate the space and redesign the menu, as the students didn't like the food from the previous concession.

We love making good, simple popular foods. You can see our culinary portfolio at http://www.thelaughingchef.info/Site/Portfolio/Portfolio.html .

10 years go by like a blink

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:17:00 -0300

It’s been just over 10 years since I met the ex. No, not the psycho lamp flinging, fake-gay-marrying ex. one of the other ones.

It’s so strange. I can recall the day we met. My good friend Alexander talked me into going to a club called the Guverment by calling me up and saying “Miss Thing, you need to twirl.” Alex got me on the guest list, then slipped me some Ecstasy. I wandered around the club high as a kite and enjoying my new Body body shirt. Seriously. That’s how long ago this was. All of a sudden, there was this hot guy from the gym in front of me. “Hi, my name is Martin” he said. I didn’t know it then but that moment changed my life forever.

We were together 2 years which to date is my most successful relationship. I suppose I could say a lot of things about that time, but after all this time I have to say that was by far the most passionate relationship I have ever had, and Martin turned out to be ones of the best friends I could possibly have asked for.

We did a birthday/anniversary dinner this evening. I have to say if you want to warm a cook’s heart:

Ask or seconds
Lick the plate clean when you think nobody is knowing

Our new chef as school says “If people love your food, then you’re a good cook.” Sometimes when I see people’s reactions to the food I make, I want to cry from happiness. When people ask for seconds.... or thirds...or fourths.... or eat meat when they’re vegetarian, or lick the plate when they think you aren’t looking, then you know you are truly good at what you do.

It makes me feel a lot like I’m Donna Noble, and the Doctor has just told me I’m brilliant.

It’s so odd. I remember that day like it was yesterday, but it wasn’t. For all the ups and downs I have handled since then.... I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m very glad my friend came in my life. I’m glad we broke up. I’m glad we stayed friends, and that his family met me. I don’t regret a damn thing, except that I can’t go and enjoy those years all over again.

You can’t go back, though.... you can only move ahead and enjoy the years in front of you. Here’s hoping I meet someone who means half as much to me as my ex / friend does.

I quiched a fish, and I liked it....

Sun, 5 Apr 2009 17:07:20 -0300

Ah, Sunday afternoons. I tried to find the energy to hit the seawall but it just ain’t there....

Part 2 of culinary school is a lot different then part one. These days we have a lot more freedom to do things, but the other side of it is you have to always be on your toes. You have to constantly think about what food works, and what doesn’t.

The payoff is amazing, though. I can walk into a market now and pick a few simple ingredients, which then tun into amazing food. In school, you don’t get to experience the finished product. At home, I am amazed at the skills I’ve learned in just a couple of months.

Yeah my entries are boring these days, hang in there. I’m sure something scandalous will happen. :)

Back from the dead...

Thu, 2 Apr 2009 04:12:18 -0300

Now that I know there are at least a couple of people reading out there, it’s amazing how easy it is to get back to blogging....

I passed my midterms... not by as much as I wanted but hey... a pass is a pass.

We’ve been working in the restaurant for a good two weeks, and it’s been awesome. I felt great when a couple of customers liked something I made. I love making staff meals too Given a choice, I think I would cook exclusively for other cooks.

Pastry was... well... a disaster. I learned a valuable lesson though:

DO NOT EXPERIMENT 2 HOURS BEFORE DINNER SERVICE.

Chances are, you won’t look like a hotshot. Let me tell ya, I was glad to learn that lesson in school. It will save me a zillion angry clients later.

I feel good about most of the work I do except for pastry so by the time I leave school, I want to be able to bake a large pie crust in a short time.

It’s amazing how much the rules have changed in the second term. The restaurant has to run smoothly but there are all kinds of opportunities to do what you want. The trick is making a few choices then focusing on those. I wanted to work on pie crust so I made quiche. I’m not going to call it epic, but it worked. Hopefully by the end of school I can cook great quiche for 50 with the walk - in leftovers in less then 2 hours.

It’s funny to be writing a blog entry today. It’s a 10 year anniversary of sorts. I met a good friend (and now ex) 10 years ago. It was a crazy time but looking back on it, totally worth it. My ex was stunning and the girls in the office flat - out hated me in a frienemy kind of way. We stayed friends and he was a great influence. Because of him I speak decent basic Spanish.

Here’s to another great day in cooking school....

“One day I’ll write my autobiography, and if you’re lucky I’ll illustrate it”

Thu, 2 Apr 2009 03:52:47 -0300

Ah, captain Jack, how right you are.

I don’t keep a count of the hits I get here but I’d guess they’ve jumped about 75, which is my estimate of the number of PICA students who just heard there was something interesting out there about a class mate and thought they’d take a look.

Rumour has it some of the content is a little, how would you say.... scandalous. Yep, it’s true... I dated a dude.

Actually I’ve dated a few.

In an environment like a kitchen it’s best to yourself, but I figure anyone from school curious enough to take the time to read my blog should at least be entertained.

For those of you who don’t know me well I’ve lead a pretty unconventional life. I won 2 provincial rowing champions and came in second at Henley, one of the most competitive competitions in the country.

I’ve hung out with Olympic athletes, some of whom coached me. Because of me, an Olympic record holder was the marshall at Pride. And yeah I kind of snicker and think “that’s gay” when I write it, so it’s ok to think it when you’re reading it.

I’ve held down jobs that varied from 4 months of living in the outdoors and planting trees to running a department for a dot.com company.

I’ve seen and done all kinds of stuff and a lot of it happened thanks to the people I met and the friends I made. I wrote the blog for an audience so feel free to laugh.

Just do me a favor and laugh with me. That’s how you make friends.

Valentine’s Day - Surprise meal for friends

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 18:24:09 -0400

It’s getting tougher to keep up the ol’ blog entries. There are a few reasons for that.... I’m bumping up the workouts, for one thing. I’m now in school 6 days a week, for another. It’s all really time consuming but it’s really worthwhile.

The class I am taking on the weekends is food service management, and the instructor is the same guy who did our tour, Tim Ellison.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.... school is AWESOME!

I think people should go to school when they’re older, not when they’re younger. I didn’t enjoy university at all. I took something that I felt would please my family rather then what would please myself. I wasn’t very interested in what I was learning, so I didn’t learn much and I never really used the degree.

I learned a lot in project management school a few years back, and in truth the time I spent as a project manager was like a compressed MBA.

But all that pales next to what I’m learning now. I’m grateful for what I learned before because it really speeds along what I am learning now. I’m so surprised because here I am at 37, enjoying school.

Today’s a special day. Sure I’m single, but I’ve learned to appreciate the love of my friends. Because so many of them have really gone to extraordinary length to help me out. To say “thank you” I decided to make a special meal.

Here’s what I’m serving:
I’m pretty excited about it, in fact. I won’t be posting this until after the dinner. I have a special surprise for my friends.

I was hoping to make an Alcasian apple tart, but let’s face it ... there are only so many hours int he day.

I figured I’d swing by school and pick up some lovely little things for dessert but... my god... I got to school and there was nothing at the pastry shop! It was total leftovers.

So.... I bit the bullet and bought the most fantastic Pacher tort. It’s several variation on the theme of chocolate. I served one for my friend Darren’s birthday and it was received with .... shall we say.... supreme enthusiasm.

Real friendships are like marriages. They don’t happen by accident. You have to work at them. My friends have done some amazing things for me, and they’ve been closer then most of my family (except my Dad). I would never have made it this far without them. I’m pretty sure that’s worth a top - notch meal and a supremely chocolatey dessert.

To my extreme surprise, I’ve discovered I *like* serving people. I really enjoy the feeling I get planning out meals like these. I like serving my friends. I *love* their reactions when it’s a great meal.

Now, if I can’t only figure out the proper wines....

Day 20 - The Tour

Fri, 6 Feb 2009 14:50:07 -0400

Today we did a culinary tour of Vancouver, which was partly interesting because of the places we visited, and partly interesting because of the tour guide.

Our guide was Tim Ellison who is an extremely smart and talented guy. He certainly gave us a great deal to think about. We visited places like Care Artigiano and the Wall Center. We checked out Salt, which is a charcuterie and wine bar smack in the middle of the Downtown East Side (and yes, we did see people smoking crack and shooting up heroin). At each stop he gave us something to think about.

One of the most interesting points Tim made was that the hospitality industry is just that.... making people feel warm and welcome. It occurred to me that every other job I’ve held down has been for an industry that does just the opposite. Working for TD was hell, because it was very clear they didn’t care about their customers, and they cared about the employees even less, in my opinion. They were one of the most inhospitable organizations I ever worked for.

Tucows, at least in the days I worked there, placed a high value on their customers, and on their employees. To this day I miss working for them and to some extent I’ve spent the last few years looking to recapture the experience for working there.

Up until I worked for Telus, I thought TD was the worst of the worst. I’m going to catch hell from some people for saying this but I will go until the end of my days telling people I know about the horrible experiences I had working for Telus.

A friend of mine mentioned that he knew someone who was working as a personal coach for one of Telus’ senior executives. He went through such a bad experience, he decided never to work for executives at that level again. According to my friend’s friend, even though those people are making 6 and 7 figures, they are miserably unhappy. The don’t see people as humans, they see them as pieces in a game to be manipulated at whim.

That really resonated with me. One of the things that drove me mad about the place was the feeling of being constantly manipulated. You could feel it, it seemed so obvious it was insulting. The organization felt as it it was being run by people who were not human, who were pretending to be human.

You heard over and over about how charitable Telus and its employees were, but you never really saw it in action at work. The “Telus values” are drilled into your head from day one when you work there, yet the only way to survive there was to take the Orwellian step of assuming everything the company and your managers said to you was a lie. The people who did the best were the ones who were most adept and manipulating their peers and stabbing their enemies in the back, all the while mouthing the Telus pieties.

It was the most toxic place I ever worked, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. One of my colleagues used to tell me he would drive to work and pray every day that he was in an accident, so he didn’t have to show up.

It occurred to me as Tim talked to us about the joy of making people feel warm and welcome that I had somehow stumbled into a career that was the mirror opposite of what I had left. It wasn’t a conscious decision. After I left Telus I thought about what made me happy, and found that I was always happiest in kitchens. I don’t think I realized that in cooking for my friends, I was on some level serving them, but that’s what I was doing.

Food is such a primal thing. People go to places where they feel warm and comfortable. It helps them forget about the bad day they spent working in places like TD and Telus.

It turns out I like making people feel happy and welcome. Who knew?

Day 19 - Carnifornication

Fri, 6 Feb 2009 01:42:22 -0400

Even I can only handle so much meat, apparently.... and that limit is somewhere around the third carcass.

I really enjoyed this week, particularly the two days we spent butchering. It’s important to know meat doesn’t just magically appear on the botcher’s shelves. Although a lot of people probably think it’s gross, I like knowing what part of the animal I’m eating.

It’s one thing to see a piece of meat stripped of its context on a plate, and quite another to pull it off an animal carcass. While I enjoyed butchering, it also makes me feel a little queasy when I remember it. I think a lot more people would eat a lot less meat if they had to butcher it.

I also tied up my first roast. It takes some practice but it’s easier then I thought it would be. Apparently butchers ties up roasts so they keep their shape when they’re cooking. I think that’s also a super helpful skill to have, because it means you can butterfly roasts, stuff them, then tie them back together.

Butchering was also exhausting. Someone in my class said there are people who believe carving up dead animals actually drains the butcher of energy, and I believe it. By the time we were finished I was exhausted, but not physically. It’s a hard sensation to describe.

Anyway, now I know how all the bits fit together, how to cut up quite a few animals and how to prepare them for the kitchen. I’m glad I did it, but I’m equally glad I won’t have to d it again for a while. If you are reading this on facebook, you can see the photo galleries here

Day 16 - White Trash Wedding

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:57:54 -0400

School’s been proceeding along smoothly and our meals are getting better and better. You can check the results in the Portfolio.

Today I discovered my ex got married, to someone he met about four months ago. Since he was nagging me about getting married even *AFTER* we broke up, I somehow doubt this will be a union for the ages.

THANK GOD I dodged that bullet! It can take a lot of time and distance before you can go back and say “things could have been worse” but I guess I’ve managed because things could be a WHOLE lot worse. I could be married to a psycho. I could still be dodging flying furniture. I could still be carrying both of us financially.

I was pretty annoyed by the fact that he still owed me money, yet had enough cash to go on a trip to Victoria, and get the marital tattoo you see above. Since they posted these photos to Facebook, I’m pretty sure there isn’t going to be an issue copying them here.

Let’s all stop and consider: Marital tattoos. Classy! And this one’s right out of Twister Ridge trailer park.

I sent a pretty rude message demanding my money back, and that he come and get the stuff he’s been storing at my home for the last 9 months.

The ensuing text war between him, his new husband and I was extensive, occasionally entertaining but mainly annoying. Have you ever met a Newfie waiter who thinks he’s a lawyer?

Eventually I figured they actually agreed to come and get the stuff, and pay me the money they owed.

I called the ex to see when he would be by to pick up his stuff, and got his Newfie husband....

"Weeelllllll we been to da police and dey say day gat no record of de incident and its not up to you to take de law into your own hands so..."

I hung up, took his stuff downstairs and dumpstered it..

I didn't get my money back, but I didn't take any shit, either.

Onwards and upwards. :)

Day 15 - Froggie went a courtin’ and he did die...

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:41:49 -0400

Picky eaters and vegetarians beware, this post is bound to freak you out. Duck, rabbit, deer and frog. I’m eating my way through the forest’s cute little critters.

Poor Froggie. His last swim was in a pan of hot butter.

People are funny. They’ll go nuts on a plate of chicken wings, but put frog legs in front of them and they get all queasy.

Not me though, these suckers were yummy!

We have a new chef while our Chef is on his vacation. We all suspect he’s in Mexico with a girl on each arm. As one guy said today “Chef’s hardcore!” We made an awful lot of inappropriate Béchamel jokes.

Our new Chef is also French. If anything, the guy cooks with even MORE butter then the last guy did. “I am from Normandy” he said “Butter is good for you”.

I am starting to wonder if that is France’s national motto. I’ve never seen so much butter in my entire life.

Seriously. It’s a little scary. How do the French stay so thin? I hope that’s the advanced course.

I spoke with our head chef today, Julian Bond. He seemed pretty surprised when I mentioned I wanted to make risotto with gin. He suggested juniper berries instead. I’m going to try to crush the berries, simmer them in stock, then use that in risotto. ur new chef suggested no more then 2 berries, and strain them out of the stock.

The juniper - infused risotto is part of a menu I’m preparing for my friend tomorrow. Here’s what I’m doing:

Bruschetta
Artichoke and Tomato Quiche
Seasonal Greens dressed in Red Wine Vinaigrette
Roast Venison in Garlic Au Jus with Parsnip and Pear Puree
Juniper Infused Risotto

Here’s hoping it all goes well!

Day 12 - It's hard to write with Raspberry Syrup

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 01:07:39 -0400

It’s even harder to photograph food from certain angles. I tried to write “I Love Zombies” at the end of a long day. It came out better then it looks in the photo.

We had a test today. I was a little nervous going in, since we’ve learned something like 100 different kinds of sauce and I thought we might have to memorize them all.

The test turned out to be a lot easier then I thought. I’m hoping to have received between 85 and 90. The best part was the essay question , which was “Describe in detail the process for making chicken stock.”

THANK YOU JEEBUZ!

If I can’t get extra marks for this one... well I’m going to be pissed.

Day 10 - Bambilicious!

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 17:09:32 -0400

I am trying some new things with the blog today, including some format shifts and some added goodies. For those of you tuning in from Facebook, click here to see some of the added goodies you get directly from www.thelaughingchef.info .

Today’s menu was roast venison with pommes croquettes, green beans in a bacon demiglaze and turned carrots tossed in butter. I was never much of a carrot person but I must admit properly cooked they’re fantastic. The key to much of what I have learned in the last little while is precision. I was talented before, but I think I wasn’t so aware of the details.

Take the carrots for instance. If you just chop ‘em up randomly they don’t taste good because they’re all different sized and the all cook differently. The texture and taste is different with each bite so you don’t get such a great carroty component to the overall meal.

It was the same with the demiglaze reduction. Normally I would have left the garlic and shallot in the sauce but that gives an inconsistent texture and taste, which isn’t very enjoyable.

Anyway today was a boatload of fun. Since the meal was venison, the Bambi jokes were flying fast and thick through the kitchen. Personally I want to make a nice venison and rabbit stew, and call it Bambi and Thumper, Together Again. Hell, I’d thicken it with boar’s blood, just to make it extra carnivorous.

The kicker was the Crepes Suzette Chef made for dessert. He threw half a BLOCK of butter in each of two frying pans, then at least 1 litre of sugar. As he mixed them he looked at us with just the slightest twinkle in his eye and said “Butter and sugar are good for you”.

Then he threw in half a bottle of orange juice, a few milliliters of lemon and some brandy, stood back and lit ‘er up!

I might just move to Paris after school.

Here are the photos I took of in the kitchen. I think from now on I’ll
include a gallery of photos from the day

Day 9 - Real men make Quiche

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 03:29:01 -0400

Today quiche was on the menu and MAN was it fine! Often there are leftovers when the class makes a meal, but not today.

Each day gets more fun then the last. Chef has an extremely dry sense of humour. We were discussing how to run a restaurant and someone asked how he handled requests for custom meals.

“I suggest they try the restaurant down the street” he said.

I think all chefs dislike picky eaters. Chef told us about game stews in Europe. Apparently, blood is a common thickener in Europe, which grossed out a lot of people, but I thought it was really cool. I bet you get an incredible, rich stew that way. It’s illegal in Canada.

Stupid Canada!

That lead to a discussion of thickeners, which lead to Chef mentioning that you can’t really call it vegetable soup if it’s made with chicken stock, as vegetarians these days get upset at that kind of thing.

Then he said “however, I am chef... I do not care.”

Chef is AWESOME!

Day 7 - Canapéine in the ass

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:29:23 -0400

I *hate* doing canapés. Even typing it is a nightmare. All that cutting up and toasting of bread, then fussing over little fiddly bits of quail egg or caviar. And don’t get excited over the caviar, it wasn’t the expensive stuff... it was just salmon roe. We should just do like Patsy on AbFab suggested, catch songbirds and eat them. According to her that’s a canapé in France.

Somehow I think Chef would disagree. Actually I worry about the day he discovers this blog. If I’ve won a few gold medals before he does, he’ll probably laugh. If I screw up... well my smart mouth will be the final nail in my coffin, I’m sure.

I much prefer doing man - cooking, and by that I mean big ol pots of cast iron filled with goodness or 50 pounds of boiling potatoes, not.... you know.... cooking men.

Speaking of which, I can’t wait for butchering week. I’m - a bring me the Shun Sisters, Especially Boner, Slice and Big Baby. Oh hell something tells me ALL the girls will enjoy butchering week! Maybe I’m destined to carve up animals. I certainly loved the steak tartare we made yesterday.

We received assignments today. We have to do a 15 minute presentation on something, and we picked the subject at random. Unfortunately I missed picking truffles, something I could discuss right now, endlessly.

I got Alice Waters. We were talking in the locker room about how much fun it wold be to make up the most insane presentation, just to see the look on Chef’s face. Here’s what I came up with:

“Alice Waters is a titanic lesbian. Between that and her raging heroin addiction she is considered the Jim Morrison of the culinary world. There’s a reason she’s known as “Amuse - Bouche” in the finer salons and restaurants.

She once hooked up a threesome with Gordon Ramsay and Escouffier, no small accomplishment since Escouffier had been dead for almost 200 years at the time of the encounter. That didn’t phase Alice, she just huffed some nitrous oxide, grabbed a shovel and dug him up.

Interviewed after the encounter while huffing glue and chain-smoking menthols, she revealed Escouffier was the better lover. This surprised nobody.

Killed in an unfortunate flambe accident in 2006, she was dug up and reanimated by her voodoo practicing disciples as stipulated in her latest cookbook. Immediately afterwards she attacked and zombiefied Anthony Bourdain, but it was a year and a half before anyone noticed.

True to her convictions in life, Alice insists on eating only the locals, and even then she insists on eating them no more then 100 miles from their homes.

A true believer in organic food, Alice only kills and eats vegans and organic farmers. This is partly because they are more tender and juicy but mainly because it appeals to her heightened zombie sense of irony.

She is particularly fond of children, especially the fat ones. The marbling on the meat is better, they’re much easier to catch and let’s face it, the little bastards deserve it.

Alice Waters, a rampantly promiscuous undead cannibal lesbian, and a woman ahead of her time.

Questions, comments?”

Just imagine the slideshow.

I kind of hope Chef does see this blog one day, hopefully long after I graduate, and after enjoying a nice steak tartare. Something tells me he’d laugh himself silly.

Day 6 - You do make friends with beef

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 02:44:26 -0400

Vegetarians, you may wish to skip this entry, filled as it is with delicious raw tenderloin.

Today’s menu was Greek salad, bruschetta and .... drumroll please..... STEAK TARTARE!!!

The day went much better the Friday. I think everyone calmed down over the weekend and practiced their knife skills.

I made a pretty interesting chicken soup, since I sliced up potatoes, carrot and turnip six ways from Sunday. I suppose I should have used my student knives but I couldn’t resist using the Shun sisters. I mean come on.... using the student knives would have been like using the Lada when the Porsche was sitting in the garage.

Anyway, today’s meal was glorious. The great thing about school is you can really cut down on the experimentation. Chef had a lot of insights on what makes a great Greek salad, right down to how large the vegetable should be cut. It’s amazing how the size of the pieces affects the flavour of the salad. We also toasted the tomato skins and used those as a garnish.... a very nice touch. Chef sure knows his kung - fu.

The bruschetta was amazing too. Ever have bad bruschetta? The bread’s soggy, the veggies don’t crunch, and there’s way the hell too much dressing. Well this bruschetta was exactly the opposite. Plus the recipe called for gorgonzola, which frankly is the best cheese ever.

I’ve never tried steak tartare before. I’m a big ol’ carnivore so raw meat didn’t phase me. We had to trim a huge beef tenderloin. Some of the students looked a bit queasy but I loved it. We trimmed the tenderloin, then minced it finely, added parsley, onion, capers, tobasco, Worstechester and an emulsion of raw egg and oil. Hey, between the raw beef and the raw egg, I’m becoming a raw food fan!

Chef’s awesome at presentation too, which is really helping me step up my game. My garnish here is different from the garnish he did, but I’m beginning to get into my own groove and sometimes it’s cool to try new ideas.

Several of the students were pretty reluctant to try their own versions, so I cheerfully helped myself. Hey, there’s no point in wasting good food! Plus I wanted to compare my group’s to others. I think ours came out the best, mainly because we did a very thorough job of chopping up the beef.

We also made stock today but since I have my own method of making stock , I think I’ll stick to that... at least as far as chicken stock goes.

I think even Chef would be impressed with mine.